Authenticity

God is Good!!! All the time is a phrase my husband uses every Sunday at church. I love it and I love to hear people respond. God is good and this book that He has placed in my life is scary on track with my life right now. Just last night I was telling my husband how tiring it is to feel like you have to be this certain person when you carry the title of Pastor or Pastors Wife. Its not right that when you say those words people automatically make a judgement about you. You feel that you can't be you. The real you. The one who has an argument with your spouse at church before church. The one that doesn't always agree on what people say but you feel like you can't say anything of fear that they might walk out.

Today's chapter is about that: Be Authentic. Being You. Will the real Clarinda stand up and be herself. Not worrying about everyone else but just be who God created you to be and love yourself. 

Christ talked about be a pharisaical hypocrite which means being different in secret than you are in public. Integrity means being whole or undivided...the same all the way through. Now I would never have a public argument with my husband in front of everyone but I do know that when I'm upset I get very quite and people who do know me (especially those I work with) know that I'm upset. 

I think as humans most of us will play to the crowd because of our fear. We say what people want us to say. Saying all the right things but still not being authentic. I don't think this is the life that Christ wanted us to have. He was the same all the time. He was who He was and if people didn't like it I'm sure He didn't worry over it like I would do. 

Here are some points from the book: 

A Jesus -Hearted Woman tells the truth about the messy parts of her life. Of course, you don't tell everyone your entire life story but you do share it when it applies to someone else's situation that they are going through. Your just real about yourself. Now being in Student Ministry for 8 years it was easy to share your life experience with students because if you could help then not make a mistake you made growing up then that was beneficial. I've made plenty of bad choices in my former years but I wouldn't change that because I wouldn't be who I am today. 

A Jesus- Hearted Woman is approachable and relatable. I want people to be able to approach me and to talk to me. I know I don't like the feeling when I go to a conference or another church and long to talk to the Pastor's wife or other leaders but you get the feeling that they wouldn't make time for you because your out of their league. Now my husband doesn't have that fear but I do. That is just my insecurity that I've allowed to paralyze me. 

My point is we just need to be who we are and who God created us to be. Anything more or less is saying God didn't create us perfectly. When in fact we are prefect in His eyes and that is all that matters. So be YOU and not who you think the other person wants you to be. Live a life free from conforming to other peoples thoughts and just be YOU.

Be confident and authentic.

Confidence

When I saw this book posting on someones post I didn't think twice about buying it. Of course, that was over a month ago. This morning I had time to actually open it on my Ipad and start reading it. It's really funny how God works things out because just yesterday I was starting to realize I have a lot to offer. I'm blessed at my job and I know I have lots to offer to our church. I just lack one important thing. CONFIDENCE!!! I'm afraid. Plain and simple. I was writing in my journal this morning about being more confident and it's not surprising that the first chapter in this book about leadership qualities is about none other than "Confidence." As I go through this book "The Jesus-Hearted Woman" I'll blog about whats stuck out to me in each chapter. So here are some excerpts that I've taken from Chapter 1: Confidence and a side note of how it applies or how I would like it to apply to my life.

God uses reluctant leaders (I am a very reluctant person because I fear of what people think and of how I won't be able to do it right)

Insecurity is not humility. It’s me focused and is more concerned with self-protection than risking rejection or pain for the benefit of others. (This really says alot about myself)

A person with gracious confidence:

·         Is comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t try to mimic they styles or gifts of others; she doesn’t yearn for someone else’s shoes. (False: I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I'm very critical of what I do and how I do it)

·         Can lead and follow at the same time (True)

·         Isn’t afraid of the spotlight but doesn’t see it either; she is quick to shine it on others when she has a chance (I'm terrified of the spotlight because I fear of what people think of me)

·         Presents her thoughts and ideas without having to have the last word (True)

·         Accepts both praise and criticism without setting her heart too completely on either (True)

·         Is satisfied to give her best for the benefit of others and has a quick word of encouragement when she sees someone else doing the same (True: When I'm not afraid to say my thoughts or give my opinions)

·         Realizes that she will likely still have butterflies before she steps behind a podium, may still feel intimidated around certain leaders and may second-guess decisions, but doesn’t let those feelings affect her actions and reactions. (When I had to speak on Chick Night, I was going over and over what I would say and I didn't say half of what I thought in my head weeks, days, hours, minutes or seconds before I went on stage. I was praying no one would notice how scared I was or how stupid I sounded to myself)

·         Rests easy after she’s done her best (even if it’s not perfect) knowing that outcomes are up to God and the free-will responses of others. (False: I will analyze everything and how I would've done it differently)

·         Knows she will have “off days, “so cuts herself some slack she would cut others. (Never)

·         Laughs at herself and learns from her mistakes. (Never do this. I'm very hard on myself)

Matthew 5:14-16 says “we are the light of the world and to “let our lights so shine before others that they would see our good works and glorify the Father in heaven.” It means we’re  willing to actually “shine” (instead of shrink back) “before others” (not just privately to God) and let them “see our good works”-the things that we can do well, and do for the sake of others, in order to bring glory to God.

“Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our life, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.” (I've really thought about this alot since I read it. I can make a mental picture of the people God has placed in my life and how it's preparing me to step out and be courageous. It's taken me a long time but this book opened my eyes to what I need to do)

We should pay close attention to the passions God is stirring in our hearts. (I have a lot of passions in my life. I love to plan, organize, to train, to encourage, to bring life into people and allow them to see their potential (not sure why it's hard to see mine) and to see students have fun and love Jesus)

It’s not where you start, but where you’re willing to go, that matters. (I seriously have a problem because I'm willing to go. I really am. I'm just terrified of that first step)